{ control }
Control- 1. To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over; direct. 2. To adjust to a requirement; regulate. 3. To hold in restraint; check (free online dictionary).
This is a word I enjoy. I like having control. I take charge, for example this past weekend was the "society event of the year" the Blue and Grey Colonels Ball (debutant ball, think "she's the man", for you non local folks) I helped my lovely debutant get into her dress, helped her dad fix his vest (they gave him one that was like 6 sizes too large), helped a friend decide what dress to wear, ran down to give the debutaunt's mom her ticket she needed to get into the ball, then managed to dress myself and get ready. I'm maid of honor ready. But I just do what needs to be done and go for it. This is a socially accepted form of control.
Then there's the other kind: you can't answer your phone, going through your partners phone, driving by their house wondering who is there, when your partner's car isn't there, and generally controlling their life. This is not ok.
I've heard of girlfriends controlling their boyfriends, I don't get it. I understand being jealous. Been there, checked that box, got the tshirt. But making it to where you won't let your boyfriend answer his phone, not letting him talk to girls who are only friends, like honey, no.
I understand that now-a-days relationships are hard. With all these social media sites it's hard. I'm not stupid to this fact. But jealousy doesn't belong in a relationship. Jealous- 1. fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position. 2. a. resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious. b. inclined to suspect rivalry. 3. having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness (free online dictionary). Ok- what do all of these things have in common? They all lack trust.
I've had my soap box about trust and my amazing big did a great blog about jealousy too (http://bethaneesmith.tumblr.com, "loving jealousy") but here's the recap. Trust for me is straight up given. It's like a present, its from me to you and it would mean a lot to me if you treated it well, but once you break it it will never be the same again. I see the best in people until you decide to really make me mad or decide to stab me in the back, then may the odds be ever if your favor. But to be honest, they're in mine since I control them. I'll trust you, I just know I've got good taste in guys, so I know other girls are gonna want you, I also know girls can be horrible people and try and steal someone else's guy. Which is horrible, yet its a vicious cycle that nice girls turn into horrible people because some horrible girl who got screwed over decides to do the same thing. Like why. I don't get it. Jealousy is when you don't trust your partner enough to trust them outside of being with you, which is NUTS, like they had a life before you, they're gonna have one after you once they realize how insane you are.
But here's my advice: if you have to be that controlling you need to find peace with yourself and God first. No man can ever bring you the happiness you have to find peace with God. So please don't put yourself through misery and a guy through weeks/months of misery.
So here's the take away: control is good when its helpful. Teachers control classrooms, generals command armies, governments are here to help keep order. Control isn't a bad thing, it's when it gets incredibly out of hand, like in Germany, China, or psychotic girlfriends is when it's bad.
xoxo.
This is a word I enjoy. I like having control. I take charge, for example this past weekend was the "society event of the year" the Blue and Grey Colonels Ball (debutant ball, think "she's the man", for you non local folks) I helped my lovely debutant get into her dress, helped her dad fix his vest (they gave him one that was like 6 sizes too large), helped a friend decide what dress to wear, ran down to give the debutaunt's mom her ticket she needed to get into the ball, then managed to dress myself and get ready. I'm maid of honor ready. But I just do what needs to be done and go for it. This is a socially accepted form of control.
Then there's the other kind: you can't answer your phone, going through your partners phone, driving by their house wondering who is there, when your partner's car isn't there, and generally controlling their life. This is not ok.
I've heard of girlfriends controlling their boyfriends, I don't get it. I understand being jealous. Been there, checked that box, got the tshirt. But making it to where you won't let your boyfriend answer his phone, not letting him talk to girls who are only friends, like honey, no.
I understand that now-a-days relationships are hard. With all these social media sites it's hard. I'm not stupid to this fact. But jealousy doesn't belong in a relationship. Jealous- 1. fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position. 2. a. resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious. b. inclined to suspect rivalry. 3. having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness (free online dictionary). Ok- what do all of these things have in common? They all lack trust.
I've had my soap box about trust and my amazing big did a great blog about jealousy too (http://bethaneesmith.tumblr.com, "loving jealousy") but here's the recap. Trust for me is straight up given. It's like a present, its from me to you and it would mean a lot to me if you treated it well, but once you break it it will never be the same again. I see the best in people until you decide to really make me mad or decide to stab me in the back, then may the odds be ever if your favor. But to be honest, they're in mine since I control them. I'll trust you, I just know I've got good taste in guys, so I know other girls are gonna want you, I also know girls can be horrible people and try and steal someone else's guy. Which is horrible, yet its a vicious cycle that nice girls turn into horrible people because some horrible girl who got screwed over decides to do the same thing. Like why. I don't get it. Jealousy is when you don't trust your partner enough to trust them outside of being with you, which is NUTS, like they had a life before you, they're gonna have one after you once they realize how insane you are.
But here's my advice: if you have to be that controlling you need to find peace with yourself and God first. No man can ever bring you the happiness you have to find peace with God. So please don't put yourself through misery and a guy through weeks/months of misery.
So here's the take away: control is good when its helpful. Teachers control classrooms, generals command armies, governments are here to help keep order. Control isn't a bad thing, it's when it gets incredibly out of hand, like in Germany, China, or psychotic girlfriends is when it's bad.
xoxo.
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