New Year, New Me? I guess?
It is that time of year again. Resolutions and gym posts fill your page with "2017 is my year" "2016 was horrible so 2017 can't be worse" or whatever else. Well I'm one of them, I guess?
I have big things that have / will happen this year, I graduate from college, I will (hopefully) get my first teaching job, will find my own place of residence, got my very own credit card (my dad is thrilled it's now my money, not his), and I'll hopefully grow closer with the Lord.
So big stuff. Nothing to shake a stick at. I've got everything going for me, I'm at one of the best schools in the state as an intern, friends who support and love me, parents who support me in every way (shout out to dad for helping me with bills for the last 22 years, hopefully I'll start to not be a leech this year, and to mom for teaching and getting me into the best schools she could), and so much more. But when you have everything going for you, do you ever wonder why that one person ignores you? It shouldn't bother you, but it does. Or at least it bothers me.
I hope it isn't just me. I'm a people pleaser. Being a teacher I'm in the wrong business, I know not every kid will love me, or even like me for that matter. But I want them to know they have a quirky, caring, and supportive person in their corner, no matter what. But I know that going in, but people I've befriended..... But what about those you think care? Like a friend? Or someone you thought was interested? And they poof. Vanish. No rhyme, reason, or explanation. That's what bothers me and makes me ponder and zone out into the distance when I should probably listen to a lecturer but I don't.
Ghosting is an action my generation (millennials, we debated this in class, the high schoolers today are now iGen or GenZ) loves to do to each other. Unfollowing, unfriending, blocking, or just not responding to texts is something they LOVE to do. I don't get it. I used to be the closure queen, until I realized it was unrealistic to ask your ex "so can you give me constructive criticism of to why you broke up with me?" (true story y'all, maybe not worded like that exactly but close).
So since I now know that asking isn't appropriate I begin to question my actions.... What did I do that lead to them ignoring me? What did I say? Did I let them in too much? Did I not give them enough? Did I scare them? The list of questions that I sit and ponder goes on and on.
I finally realized something important, I'm awesome. I don't mean that to be cocky, or overconfident, but I just realized my brand of awesome might not be someone's cup of tea, as it were. I'm not fond of everybody (nobody is shocked by that) and I realized the street is not a one way. So when someone leaves my life my brand of awesome isn't for them, and well I've realized it's their loss cause I'm a killer cook and baker, and I think I'm cute and funny, but hey, to each their own, right?
So yes, I'm occasionally distraught by the idea of someone not liking me, or the idea that I've wronged someone and I'm confused as to how I've done so..... But hey. There's too much to do, too many important things I want to impact for the better, so if a few people deciding to cut me out was their new year's resolution, I'm not to be bothered by it.
I have big things that have / will happen this year, I graduate from college, I will (hopefully) get my first teaching job, will find my own place of residence, got my very own credit card (my dad is thrilled it's now my money, not his), and I'll hopefully grow closer with the Lord.
So big stuff. Nothing to shake a stick at. I've got everything going for me, I'm at one of the best schools in the state as an intern, friends who support and love me, parents who support me in every way (shout out to dad for helping me with bills for the last 22 years, hopefully I'll start to not be a leech this year, and to mom for teaching and getting me into the best schools she could), and so much more. But when you have everything going for you, do you ever wonder why that one person ignores you? It shouldn't bother you, but it does. Or at least it bothers me.
I hope it isn't just me. I'm a people pleaser. Being a teacher I'm in the wrong business, I know not every kid will love me, or even like me for that matter. But I want them to know they have a quirky, caring, and supportive person in their corner, no matter what. But I know that going in, but people I've befriended..... But what about those you think care? Like a friend? Or someone you thought was interested? And they poof. Vanish. No rhyme, reason, or explanation. That's what bothers me and makes me ponder and zone out into the distance when I should probably listen to a lecturer but I don't.
Ghosting is an action my generation (millennials, we debated this in class, the high schoolers today are now iGen or GenZ) loves to do to each other. Unfollowing, unfriending, blocking, or just not responding to texts is something they LOVE to do. I don't get it. I used to be the closure queen, until I realized it was unrealistic to ask your ex "so can you give me constructive criticism of to why you broke up with me?" (true story y'all, maybe not worded like that exactly but close).
So since I now know that asking isn't appropriate I begin to question my actions.... What did I do that lead to them ignoring me? What did I say? Did I let them in too much? Did I not give them enough? Did I scare them? The list of questions that I sit and ponder goes on and on.
I finally realized something important, I'm awesome. I don't mean that to be cocky, or overconfident, but I just realized my brand of awesome might not be someone's cup of tea, as it were. I'm not fond of everybody (nobody is shocked by that) and I realized the street is not a one way. So when someone leaves my life my brand of awesome isn't for them, and well I've realized it's their loss cause I'm a killer cook and baker, and I think I'm cute and funny, but hey, to each their own, right?
So yes, I'm occasionally distraught by the idea of someone not liking me, or the idea that I've wronged someone and I'm confused as to how I've done so..... But hey. There's too much to do, too many important things I want to impact for the better, so if a few people deciding to cut me out was their new year's resolution, I'm not to be bothered by it.
Comments
Post a Comment