faith....trust....a future?
Well, a new school year has started, and for the first time in 18 years I'm not headed into a classroom.
That's one of the hardest, most soul-crushing sentences I've ever written, and my senior thesis was on Hamlet.
At the end of May, I made one of the hardest choices and resigned from my teaching position. I applied faithfully over the summer to jobs all around me and not a single one panned out. I was left toward the end of this summer angry, confused, and upset. Honestly, I still am at times.
But I know that God has a plan for my life. I'm honestly super unsure of what my future holds. God came through more than I could have imagined last summer. I got a full-time job in my dream school system, a house I've turned into a home, and had recently started dating the man of my dreams. Life was going perfectly. In comparison, this summer has been one of the most challenging summers I've ever had. I've had to wait, be patient, and wait some more.
If you know me, patience is not a strong virtue of mine. My amazing 7th graders often pushed my patience and kindness to new levels and I'm so appreciative of that fact. But this patience I learned with 7th graders I clearly wasn't done learning quite yet. It's hard knowing you worked for four years, graduated with honors, experience in your field, and yet turn up empty at the end of the summer.
This isn't a pity party post, I'm not starting a Go-Fund-Me to pay my bills this year, or announcing I'm magically going abroad or grad school. This isn't an announcement really of anything. It's more of a statement of faith.
I will get a job doing something. I don't know what God has in store for me, whether it's going back and being a waitress again, a Verizon sales associate, or working at Publix. I've applied for jobs that I wouldn't have imagined applying for in the past. God has brought me to my knees and humbled me. I got cocky and overly confident in my own abilities.
It isn't like I turned my back on God, I needed him more this past year than I ever had before. I was tested and pushed to new limits in the classroom, but clearly, I needed to be brought to my knees in a new way. Jobless, unsure of a paycheck, with my only reliance being on God to provide.
In Jeremiah 29 there's a famous verse but I wanted to give some context around the famous verse so many hang their trials and tribulations on. In the letter to the exiled God gives them specific instructions of how to live, and exactly what to do. He promised in 70 years he would come back for his people. S E V E N T Y ~ Y E A R S. Not days, not seconds, years. I don't know about you, but none of my billing companies can wait around 70 years for a payday. BUT God said he would come back and that they would prosper.
I've tried to plan God's will out of my future. Not out of spite, or malice, or even a lack of trusting God. I genuinely just have a desire to know what is coming next. I like planning and knowing what will happen next in my life. So whether I meant to or not, I had begun the scary process of leaving God out of the planning phase. But this process, or at least my rationalization is that God is not done teaching me about patience and faith.
So this begins a new chapter, a chapter of the unknown. A chapter of my seeking God at every corner and turn because that is all I have left. All I know. It's scary and a step of faith to wait and make the most of my time being productive in other areas of life when I feel like I should be lesson planning, but, there is a plan, there is a purpose. With all of this said, no matter the life circumstance you find yourself in, know that God has a plan and purpose. I don't know what mine is, but I know it's there.
[ ps. if you or a company you know of need a full time employee who is willing to work and learn a new skill if need be let me know! ]
That's one of the hardest, most soul-crushing sentences I've ever written, and my senior thesis was on Hamlet.
At the end of May, I made one of the hardest choices and resigned from my teaching position. I applied faithfully over the summer to jobs all around me and not a single one panned out. I was left toward the end of this summer angry, confused, and upset. Honestly, I still am at times.
But I know that God has a plan for my life. I'm honestly super unsure of what my future holds. God came through more than I could have imagined last summer. I got a full-time job in my dream school system, a house I've turned into a home, and had recently started dating the man of my dreams. Life was going perfectly. In comparison, this summer has been one of the most challenging summers I've ever had. I've had to wait, be patient, and wait some more.
If you know me, patience is not a strong virtue of mine. My amazing 7th graders often pushed my patience and kindness to new levels and I'm so appreciative of that fact. But this patience I learned with 7th graders I clearly wasn't done learning quite yet. It's hard knowing you worked for four years, graduated with honors, experience in your field, and yet turn up empty at the end of the summer.
This isn't a pity party post, I'm not starting a Go-Fund-Me to pay my bills this year, or announcing I'm magically going abroad or grad school. This isn't an announcement really of anything. It's more of a statement of faith.
I will get a job doing something. I don't know what God has in store for me, whether it's going back and being a waitress again, a Verizon sales associate, or working at Publix. I've applied for jobs that I wouldn't have imagined applying for in the past. God has brought me to my knees and humbled me. I got cocky and overly confident in my own abilities.
It isn't like I turned my back on God, I needed him more this past year than I ever had before. I was tested and pushed to new limits in the classroom, but clearly, I needed to be brought to my knees in a new way. Jobless, unsure of a paycheck, with my only reliance being on God to provide.
In Jeremiah 29 there's a famous verse but I wanted to give some context around the famous verse so many hang their trials and tribulations on. In the letter to the exiled God gives them specific instructions of how to live, and exactly what to do. He promised in 70 years he would come back for his people. S E V E N T Y ~ Y E A R S. Not days, not seconds, years. I don't know about you, but none of my billing companies can wait around 70 years for a payday. BUT God said he would come back and that they would prosper.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord," Jeremiah 29:11-14.
Seek him with ALL your heart. That hit me hard. I have been seeking pretty fervently but I don't know if I could say all. I hold onto things like the bottom of my purse holds onto trash. It's always there, no matter how many times I clean it out. But this has been a wakeup call for me. After August there isn't another magical teacher paycheck coming in the mail.I've tried to plan God's will out of my future. Not out of spite, or malice, or even a lack of trusting God. I genuinely just have a desire to know what is coming next. I like planning and knowing what will happen next in my life. So whether I meant to or not, I had begun the scary process of leaving God out of the planning phase. But this process, or at least my rationalization is that God is not done teaching me about patience and faith.
So this begins a new chapter, a chapter of the unknown. A chapter of my seeking God at every corner and turn because that is all I have left. All I know. It's scary and a step of faith to wait and make the most of my time being productive in other areas of life when I feel like I should be lesson planning, but, there is a plan, there is a purpose. With all of this said, no matter the life circumstance you find yourself in, know that God has a plan and purpose. I don't know what mine is, but I know it's there.
[ ps. if you or a company you know of need a full time employee who is willing to work and learn a new skill if need be let me know! ]
Comments
Post a Comment