........ I'm waiting ..........
This is for that single girl going "where is MY man?" Cause I'm there with you, but I'm now ok with my singleness. Let me explain.....
I'm right there with you. Wondering where my man is, like is he alive, breathing, is he someone else's #MCM right now? My Facebook, instagram, and life in general I see engagements, weddings, and don't get me started on the babies, it's all EVERYWHERE. I'm starting to wonder when will it be my turn? Which is funny, I've not been on a date in like 7 months, so there's that.
But be patient, that's what I've had to come to terms with and embraced. I'm clinging to the promises in scripture I mention later, because I'm not going to settle, God's plan is at work somehow, and I'm not ready yet. But how did I get to this miraculous "ah ha" moment.....
I've seen life celebrated twice this week, once in the precious life of a one year old, starting to walk, not really talking, but she's an incredibly joyful soul already, and she had a home full of people celebrating her life of just 1 year. The other celebration I've seen this week the celebration of an older life that is clinging on, a celebration of 50+ years together, children, and grand children, all there celebrating he is here another day.
I realized that this "ideal" life is worth waiting for. The amazing engagement, wedding, being sickeningly cute with your "person," the pregnancy, children, grandbabies, etc. Those seasons will come for me...... One day. Seeing the relationship of my basketball coaches from middle school and how we all joked "y'all are gonna get married and have babies," they looked at us like we were crazy, and here we are a marriage, and two kids later. I thank God everyday for placing this amazing couple into my life and them pouring into me both in person and sometimes by proxy. Their relationship just oozes Jesus' love, kindness, and so do their children. I see how their marriage is a true testimony of how God's plan is the best plan, and how he has your perfect person for you, just that timing is everything.
I also heard a story today about a first date over 50 years ago, and my friend's grandmother got so excited about telling that story, she sounded like a teenager again with those flutters in her stomach, that senior in high school waiting for the college man to take her out, it melted my heart. Seeing her read and pray scripture over her husband in ICU, playing him a devotional while he was medically sedated (so cute, humorous, and sweet all at the same time), a love so true, one I know he would return for her, and I've known this couple for a few days. These testimonies of how God's hand is so visible, Grannie discussed how if God hadn't done certain things nobody else in that room would have been there including herself, but God's plan was and is amazing for their lives. It made me think, there's really something quite amazing and so much larger than us working for our good. Romans 8:28 (NIV) says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." So many relationships including my parents have demonstrated that this verse rings true.
Looking around it seems to be that *everyone* is in a happy instagram perfect relationship, engaged, having dream weddings, popping out babies, and granted I'm in that stage of life where it is happening, and is celebrated. But I'm still sitting on the sidelines wondering and waiting "when will it be my turn?" And I'm learning to embrace Romans 8:28, Psalm 27:13-14, and 1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV) reads "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." (Those anxieties being I'll be single, alone, with my dog, no man, no babies, in the middle of nowhere not changing the world). But the verse that I frequently remember looking at as a child was Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" That "future" mentioned is what I'm banking and praying on and for. When reading a proposal earlier from a friend from high school I was tearing up at how romantic, perfect, and completely precious it was. As I read portions of it aloud my mom goes "and you expect that the man who falls in love with you will be this romantic?" I said "yes Jesus is mighty, and God is a big God!" I said it off the cuff having been in church since before I was even born, but as I write this I know it's so true. Jesus has my strong, yet kind hearted, tall, handsome man with light colored eyes, whose parents are loving and incredible, and hopefully with siblings so I can be an aunt. I have big expectations for a future husband, but that's ok. Standards are a good thing, I've never been much for "settling" I like what I like, and I'll save up to get the one thing I want and not a cheap version to suffice, I'd rather wait and get what I *really* want as opposed to getting a filler and then what I want.
So for now I think even if I had a boyfriend, he might be a "filler." I've always dated with the idea in mind of "could I see myself marrying him one day" and if not I wouldn't see any other reason to pursue it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against dating for "fun" but knowing myself that "fun" dating would just hurt me, I fall in love so quickly that for me having a string of people who had pieces of my heart would not end well for me. I've been lucky enough to have an amazing relationship that taught me so much, and honestly I have high standards due to that relationship. But what I want to achieve for myself, my family, and what I want from a husband one day is so great and mighty that I have complete faith that God has me an AMAZING man to love me, and his family to support and love us. So yeah, I might go "nope, he's too short" or "nope, he's not it" to guys my friends try to set me up with. But I'm just not in a place where I have the emotional capacity to love someone else, when I'm still trying to learn to love myself 100%, respect myself 100%, and most importantly falling back in love with Jesus is far more important than me wishing I was a boy's #WCW or on his snapchat story just cause he wanted to show me off. Like nope. I'm good for now. My season will come.
So despite my constant wondering of "when will it be my turn," "when will I get to be the couple that everyone goes 'look how cute they are,'" or even better yet "look at how that couple is changing the world," or best of all "look how they are serving Jesus together." That's the kind of love I'm waiting for. So single girls, yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I want the man in my life, but honestly he'd probably be like "return to sender" with me right now. And honestly, I might do the same thing. But that's a-ok. God's got an amazing plan, an amazing man, and I'm just gonna sit and work on myself until the day he comes in on his white horse to soften my heart and love me forever.
I'm right there with you. Wondering where my man is, like is he alive, breathing, is he someone else's #MCM right now? My Facebook, instagram, and life in general I see engagements, weddings, and don't get me started on the babies, it's all EVERYWHERE. I'm starting to wonder when will it be my turn? Which is funny, I've not been on a date in like 7 months, so there's that.
But be patient, that's what I've had to come to terms with and embraced. I'm clinging to the promises in scripture I mention later, because I'm not going to settle, God's plan is at work somehow, and I'm not ready yet. But how did I get to this miraculous "ah ha" moment.....
I've seen life celebrated twice this week, once in the precious life of a one year old, starting to walk, not really talking, but she's an incredibly joyful soul already, and she had a home full of people celebrating her life of just 1 year. The other celebration I've seen this week the celebration of an older life that is clinging on, a celebration of 50+ years together, children, and grand children, all there celebrating he is here another day.
I realized that this "ideal" life is worth waiting for. The amazing engagement, wedding, being sickeningly cute with your "person," the pregnancy, children, grandbabies, etc. Those seasons will come for me...... One day. Seeing the relationship of my basketball coaches from middle school and how we all joked "y'all are gonna get married and have babies," they looked at us like we were crazy, and here we are a marriage, and two kids later. I thank God everyday for placing this amazing couple into my life and them pouring into me both in person and sometimes by proxy. Their relationship just oozes Jesus' love, kindness, and so do their children. I see how their marriage is a true testimony of how God's plan is the best plan, and how he has your perfect person for you, just that timing is everything.
I also heard a story today about a first date over 50 years ago, and my friend's grandmother got so excited about telling that story, she sounded like a teenager again with those flutters in her stomach, that senior in high school waiting for the college man to take her out, it melted my heart. Seeing her read and pray scripture over her husband in ICU, playing him a devotional while he was medically sedated (so cute, humorous, and sweet all at the same time), a love so true, one I know he would return for her, and I've known this couple for a few days. These testimonies of how God's hand is so visible, Grannie discussed how if God hadn't done certain things nobody else in that room would have been there including herself, but God's plan was and is amazing for their lives. It made me think, there's really something quite amazing and so much larger than us working for our good. Romans 8:28 (NIV) says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." So many relationships including my parents have demonstrated that this verse rings true.
Looking around it seems to be that *everyone* is in a happy instagram perfect relationship, engaged, having dream weddings, popping out babies, and granted I'm in that stage of life where it is happening, and is celebrated. But I'm still sitting on the sidelines wondering and waiting "when will it be my turn?" And I'm learning to embrace Romans 8:28, Psalm 27:13-14, and 1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV) reads "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." (Those anxieties being I'll be single, alone, with my dog, no man, no babies, in the middle of nowhere not changing the world). But the verse that I frequently remember looking at as a child was Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" That "future" mentioned is what I'm banking and praying on and for. When reading a proposal earlier from a friend from high school I was tearing up at how romantic, perfect, and completely precious it was. As I read portions of it aloud my mom goes "and you expect that the man who falls in love with you will be this romantic?" I said "yes Jesus is mighty, and God is a big God!" I said it off the cuff having been in church since before I was even born, but as I write this I know it's so true. Jesus has my strong, yet kind hearted, tall, handsome man with light colored eyes, whose parents are loving and incredible, and hopefully with siblings so I can be an aunt. I have big expectations for a future husband, but that's ok. Standards are a good thing, I've never been much for "settling" I like what I like, and I'll save up to get the one thing I want and not a cheap version to suffice, I'd rather wait and get what I *really* want as opposed to getting a filler and then what I want.
So for now I think even if I had a boyfriend, he might be a "filler." I've always dated with the idea in mind of "could I see myself marrying him one day" and if not I wouldn't see any other reason to pursue it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against dating for "fun" but knowing myself that "fun" dating would just hurt me, I fall in love so quickly that for me having a string of people who had pieces of my heart would not end well for me. I've been lucky enough to have an amazing relationship that taught me so much, and honestly I have high standards due to that relationship. But what I want to achieve for myself, my family, and what I want from a husband one day is so great and mighty that I have complete faith that God has me an AMAZING man to love me, and his family to support and love us. So yeah, I might go "nope, he's too short" or "nope, he's not it" to guys my friends try to set me up with. But I'm just not in a place where I have the emotional capacity to love someone else, when I'm still trying to learn to love myself 100%, respect myself 100%, and most importantly falling back in love with Jesus is far more important than me wishing I was a boy's #WCW or on his snapchat story just cause he wanted to show me off. Like nope. I'm good for now. My season will come.
So despite my constant wondering of "when will it be my turn," "when will I get to be the couple that everyone goes 'look how cute they are,'" or even better yet "look at how that couple is changing the world," or best of all "look how they are serving Jesus together." That's the kind of love I'm waiting for. So single girls, yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I want the man in my life, but honestly he'd probably be like "return to sender" with me right now. And honestly, I might do the same thing. But that's a-ok. God's got an amazing plan, an amazing man, and I'm just gonna sit and work on myself until the day he comes in on his white horse to soften my heart and love me forever.
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