Growing Pains

I can remember laying in bed in agony as a kid. I was growing. This was part of turning from a baby into the 5'7 or 8 depending on the measuring tape (I claim 8) woman I am today. But here's the thing sadly those horrid shin splints finally going away didn't mark the end of all growing pains, really they just got worse.

Growing up is hard. Forgetting to pay rent is terrifying. Or sorority bills. Or electric. Yup. Being an adult is terrifying in general. Oh and don't forget that tuition bill either. 

But sadly being scared of rent isn't the end of growing pains. My first growing pain is in making my faith my own. Parents give you the world. Food, clothing, a roof (or two) over your head, they're they're to answer your calls at 2:30 when you think your lungs are actually trying to kill you, or at 4:30 two days later when you were convinced the three cough meds you mixed were giving you an overdose 12 hours later and giving you a heart attack. But these things are easy in comparison to what life throws you. Picking up a phone, making sure the credit card bill is paid, manageable tasks for most adults. 

What isn't easy is making your faith your own. I've been recently faced with multiple instances where my faith and my world have not mixed well. Trying to figure out what action or lack of to take isn't easy. In high school I easily identified myself as the only girl in the student band who was the Jesus freak. Now I'm like ha. That's a cute mismarked girl. 

Looking back I had on a mask. And I'm guessing it wasn't as fool proof as I thought. Finding your identity is hard. I had to walk away for almost a year to figure it out on my own. I learn through doing it myself. Sometimes I listen to my parents saying something is harder. But most of the time I don't, or I attempt a milder version to test the waters. But faith? It isn't that simple. I'm still fumbling around. The best preachers say every day I get more and more lost as opposed to found because there is so much that the Bible has to offer we can't possibly understand it all and the man who claims to is sorrily mistaken. So what my church experience now might look different than yours, my parents, and even my own from a year ago, two, and five. That's ok. Figuring it out is part of what makes your faith stronger on its own because you move from being a potted plant covered by your parents porch to being planted in the wild and fending for yourself with some help from some more stable trees who show you the way. 

Another thing I've found is self worth. I am a princess. Literally it's what my name means. It only took me nearly 21 years to figure out my parents and grandparents aren't the only ones who should treat me as such. I'm worth everything. Jesus gave his life for me. 

Whoah. 

Can you tell me someone who died for you? Can you say that he made you? That before he knew you he loved you? You can if you have the big man on your team. 

But I'm a princess. I'm God's princess. As papa Scott said "don't look to man to give you a name, God has already given you one and you are a princess"

AMEN TO THAT. 

I'm worth taking the extra 5 seconds for a sweet text during the day, I'm worth picking up for dinner and going to my favorite place once in a while even though it isn't your favorite because I do the same, I'm worth random flowers, I'm worth surprise dates, I'm worth getting a romantic comedy based off of my love life. 

Is all that necessary? Heavens no. But am I worth all of it? Heck yes. (1-2 carat oval cut diamond for anyone taking notes. 7 3/4 ring size.)

I'm blessed to say I've been in a great previous relationship. It had its ups and downs like every relationship, but I will say this. When his A game was on...... I was his princess, his world, his everything, there's nothing he wouldn't do to make me happy. He once offered to drive 3 hours one way for food, and did it, bless that Qdoba bowl. Granted he was coming back ANYWAY, but I still got Qdoba. I never forgot that.

Which leads into self worth. 

It isn't about what you have on the inside all the time. 

Nobody knows what's going on in there besides you and God. You can lie to everyone else. 

All of this to say why does this matter? 

College is your building block. Now is the foundation for the rest of your life. I'm trying to get into shape. Now I have the best chances of being in shape. I'm going to do it. Not for spring break, not for a man, but for better health. Those habits that some kids pick up like drinking, smoking, drugs, etc... Thats for life.... The faith you defend or claim now? Going to be forever part of you in some way shape or form. 

Whether it's part of your "why I don't believe anymore," your foundation and cornerstone. Faith is something that doesn't waver.

I'm not about to preach. My walk has been rocky in most areas. But it's there. Sometimes faded and in the distance but I know where my walk is and that's what is most important. Find yours and stick to it. Find your journey to mental, physical, and emotional strength and stick to it. You're worth it.