the fault in my stars
After reading The Fault in Our Stars this last semester and having sobbed tonight at the movie I'm finally putting my thoughts down to be recorded for history. {Cool way of saying I'm blogging}
One of the quotes from the movie made me really think when I read it "There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get," Hazel Grace says this in Augustus' eulogy. Now when you first think about it you go ok. But I'm gonna take some free speech and interpretation..... STAY WITH ME!
0 and 1. That first crush. You think you've loved them as much as you possibly can. You're crushed in middle school when they move on and you think the world has ended - it doesn't make your feelings any less. But in your single infinity it is all you know.
0 and 2. You expand. You meet a new guy- maybe a day later, maybe years, regardless, your feelings grow and when talking to someone else you think that you love them incredibly more. Your infinity has grown. Your infinity includes the first and then includes the second.
0 and 3-1,000,000- not boy one million. The final boy. There might be less than three, more than three, regardless.... Hazel called Augustus her star crossed lover, if you know what that is quoting you know the love and tragedy that stands behind Romeo and Juliet. Your final boy. Your infinity goes forever. Everything else in life is included. The moments that nobody else knows about, the love, the fights, the dedication and work that goes into keeping your infinity for the infinity you have. Hazel saw the end of her and Augustus' infinity but all Augustus knew was their infinity.
When I go for someone I go in whole heartedly. I'll be the first person to tell you that - at least what I think is "whole." My infinities like Hazel's have expanded. If you asked me to compare feelings felt from 7th grade to now I would tell you they're vastly different. But 7th grade me gave all I could, {newly} sophomore me gives it my all. Some would say this is foolish. At times I would have to agree - I'm easily hurt but these relationships mean more to me than the pain I feel. Nothing pains me more than to see those I care about hurt or mad at me. I'm a people pleaser. In a relationship I'd like to think I'm the same way. Now I haven't been given the end of my book yet - I don't know if my book has a few more pages, or a few thousand more. But I'd rather feel pain for a paragraph knowing I'd loved for a chapter than just have people in my life for a sentence or two.
I quoted Hazel earlier.... this is the end of that quote "and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful." Hazel had to see the end of her and Augustus' love end quite quickly. We don't know how many days we have left. Life can end in the middle of a sentence. This blog is all based off of a fictitious story, but even then, these are all real feelings. Not often do we get to tell the ones we love our eulogy to them. To have them know how much we care while they're still alive -- that's what I live for.
HERE WE GO: the good stuff and happy (I only cried my body weight watching TFIOS tonight, an exaggeration but I cried, ask Katie).
When people tell me to hold back love I know it would probably be better for me but here's my thing- my generation has coined YOLO to no end. Its on tshirts, shot glasses, snap backs, you name it.... I'd rather die tomorrow having the people in my life know they were loved to the utmost possibility than me die and have people wonder where they stood in my life. I would honestly be lost without my friends (and sisters) I'd rather text them "love you" or an encouraging note when we talk than just nothing. I do the cliche captions on insta and Facebook for that reason too - and I also get to brag on them publicly how great they are.
Yeah - I've been hurt. I've thought the end of the world has come when a relationship or friendship came to an end. "That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt" TFIOS has some deep quotes, pain demands to be felt. But where does pain come from? Augustus says he has the choice of who breaks his heart, and he wants it to be Hazel. Hazel didn't get to choose Augustus leaving, she chose to let him in. She chose to let him be around herself, a self proclaimed grenade. We allow people to give us pain. To me pain (not physical, I'm talking emotional) shows you how much you cared. The tears to me just show the love that was had, sometimes that love has to just be buried, other times it is revived and comes back stronger. I'll never stop investing into those I care about. If you don't love those around you with everything then why even live? Mark Twain said "sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth" some days this is lots harder than others. I'd rather live like there is no tomorrow than relying on having a tomorrow.
One of the quotes from the movie made me really think when I read it "There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get," Hazel Grace says this in Augustus' eulogy. Now when you first think about it you go ok. But I'm gonna take some free speech and interpretation..... STAY WITH ME!
0 and 1. That first crush. You think you've loved them as much as you possibly can. You're crushed in middle school when they move on and you think the world has ended - it doesn't make your feelings any less. But in your single infinity it is all you know.
0 and 2. You expand. You meet a new guy- maybe a day later, maybe years, regardless, your feelings grow and when talking to someone else you think that you love them incredibly more. Your infinity has grown. Your infinity includes the first and then includes the second.
0 and 3-1,000,000- not boy one million. The final boy. There might be less than three, more than three, regardless.... Hazel called Augustus her star crossed lover, if you know what that is quoting you know the love and tragedy that stands behind Romeo and Juliet. Your final boy. Your infinity goes forever. Everything else in life is included. The moments that nobody else knows about, the love, the fights, the dedication and work that goes into keeping your infinity for the infinity you have. Hazel saw the end of her and Augustus' infinity but all Augustus knew was their infinity.
When I go for someone I go in whole heartedly. I'll be the first person to tell you that - at least what I think is "whole." My infinities like Hazel's have expanded. If you asked me to compare feelings felt from 7th grade to now I would tell you they're vastly different. But 7th grade me gave all I could, {newly} sophomore me gives it my all. Some would say this is foolish. At times I would have to agree - I'm easily hurt but these relationships mean more to me than the pain I feel. Nothing pains me more than to see those I care about hurt or mad at me. I'm a people pleaser. In a relationship I'd like to think I'm the same way. Now I haven't been given the end of my book yet - I don't know if my book has a few more pages, or a few thousand more. But I'd rather feel pain for a paragraph knowing I'd loved for a chapter than just have people in my life for a sentence or two.
I quoted Hazel earlier.... this is the end of that quote "and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful." Hazel had to see the end of her and Augustus' love end quite quickly. We don't know how many days we have left. Life can end in the middle of a sentence. This blog is all based off of a fictitious story, but even then, these are all real feelings. Not often do we get to tell the ones we love our eulogy to them. To have them know how much we care while they're still alive -- that's what I live for.
HERE WE GO: the good stuff and happy (I only cried my body weight watching TFIOS tonight, an exaggeration but I cried, ask Katie).
When people tell me to hold back love I know it would probably be better for me but here's my thing- my generation has coined YOLO to no end. Its on tshirts, shot glasses, snap backs, you name it.... I'd rather die tomorrow having the people in my life know they were loved to the utmost possibility than me die and have people wonder where they stood in my life. I would honestly be lost without my friends (and sisters) I'd rather text them "love you" or an encouraging note when we talk than just nothing. I do the cliche captions on insta and Facebook for that reason too - and I also get to brag on them publicly how great they are.
Yeah - I've been hurt. I've thought the end of the world has come when a relationship or friendship came to an end. "That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt" TFIOS has some deep quotes, pain demands to be felt. But where does pain come from? Augustus says he has the choice of who breaks his heart, and he wants it to be Hazel. Hazel didn't get to choose Augustus leaving, she chose to let him in. She chose to let him be around herself, a self proclaimed grenade. We allow people to give us pain. To me pain (not physical, I'm talking emotional) shows you how much you cared. The tears to me just show the love that was had, sometimes that love has to just be buried, other times it is revived and comes back stronger. I'll never stop investing into those I care about. If you don't love those around you with everything then why even live? Mark Twain said "sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth" some days this is lots harder than others. I'd rather live like there is no tomorrow than relying on having a tomorrow.
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